Monday, December 13, 2010

Jockin' (via no homo) Desean's pre-touchdown rituals...

-Last night, Desean Jackson humiliated the Texan Cowboys (via droppin' 210 yards in 4 catches)!
-But surprise surprise (sarcasm saying), the sports critics and Cowboys fans are hatin' on my boy Desean Jackson.

-But I got his back (via no homo). I'm actually dedicating this blog post and writing from the heart to thank Desean Jackson for two thing.

     1. Thanks Desean for them fantasy points!

    2. Thanks Desean for makin' the game hella exciting and entertaining by puttin' up prolific yards   and celebrating and humiliating your opponents.

-I like how you don't just give a fuck.

-After what the Cowboys did to the Eagles last year (via regular season sweep + playoff defeat), I can appreciate a lil showboat.

-It's not like a gratuitous borderline choreagraphed/ rehearsed celebration (via T.Ochocinco circa early 2Ks...).

-I like how you stay true to your pre-touchdown endzone entrances (aka EEs/endzone entrances).

Tossin/Droppin (via Loads) The Ball On The BurntBoyz
Flippin into the endzone after dusting fools in irrelevant high school bowl (via Friday Night Lights circa Smash Williams era)

Do you think the penalty that Desean Jackson got for this TD was uncalled for (via old man ref premature flag throw for act before crossing the end zone)?

Do you think Desean Jackson should be flagged for his endzone "celebrations?"

Should Deasean Jackson continue to mess with Texas?

Is Desean Jackson the T.Ochocinco of the 2k10K?

Should Mikey Wilbon and Timothy Cowlishaw eat a dick for hatin' on Desean (via nostalgic Mariotti genitalz)?

Is No Fun League a meaningful nickname for the NFL?

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Jets Hype R.I.P.

Androgynous Jets Fan Cuntemplating Buying  Patriots Hoodie with sleeves to be cut, while rocking a throwback Drew Bledsoe Jersey to avoid bandwagon suspicions...

After all the hype surrounding this Monday night game (via Rex Ryan stating his love for William Bellicheat and drawing comparisons to his model-dating skillz to Thomas Brady's), there's one thing we can say is for sure/ hella certain... The Jets suck balls. Their lips are so balls deep, the owners, players, and Jets fans must rub Tapatio hot sauce (via in acknowledge of Mark Sanchez Mexicant QB heritage) over their eyes to keep themselves from crying.  Every Jets jerkoff bandwagon-- ESPN PTI (via ugly jew clown no makeup arguing with Mikey Wilbon) NFL NETWORK AROUND THE HORN-- jerking off in the Jets bandwagon can now shut the haaaayyyeelll up.

Do you think the Jets have been pretenders this whole time?

Is Rex Ryan like Mikey Singletary and just all take and blue collar motivational speaker defense expert?

Can the Jets win with awesome defense, decent running, awesome WRs, and shitty 2nd year QB (via failed Matty Ice Joe Flacco impersonation)?

Should Rex Ryan staple his mouth shut?

Should Thomas Brady record with a FLip Vidya of him performing bookak into Giselle's mouth (via droppin Patriotic loads) while whiping himself clean with a RevisIsland jersey ?

Monday, December 6, 2010

Is Peyton Manning Falling Out Of Elite Status?

I'm used to seeing Peyton Manning hella sellin me shit (via Don draper ad and nostalgia skillz). Whether it was get into the G-drinks gatorades, Reebok sneakers zigg technology, Direct TV nation packages NFL tix, or 3 TDs/game... Peyton Manning has always sold me that he is-- possibly was-- an elite QB (via making me a buyer in his pre-snap reading hot route audible skills accuracy deep throws). Also winning games and throwin' TD passes all over all kindsa defenses. But now Peyton Manning is starting to look like Eli Manning (circa years pre epic Super Bowl victory), with all them interceptions and costing the team games...  Peyton has been one of my bros all these years--- hella forcing me to jump Colt bandwagons and buy direct tv packages and rock reebok zigg tech shoes while I watch his games on direct tv NFL tix... But this Peyton Manning is no more. WHere are his elite skills? Why so many picks? Why so many losses? WHY must I shaking my fucking head at Peyton (via contemplating taking off my Peyton Manning jersey)?!!!!!!!

Tellin Blair White Project To Stop Making Him Look Falling Out Of Elite (via pick the ball off the DB picker)
Peyton, stop doing things that convey negative thoughts and negative emotions through your body language and arts of throwing picks?

Is Peyton Manning quickly falling off the Elite Status (via 3+ picks/ throwin 1 pick-six per game)?

Are the Colts organization mad faded off AFC South supremacy power juice, and have forgotten that they should have hired free agent RBs, free agent blocking TEs, free agent LTs, free agent RTs, free agent RGs, and free agent LGs? to help bring balance to their elite force/ win games?

Can't Peyton Manning be more like Brady and snap out of a funk (via weeks of throwin 1 td/game post iMiss2k7Moss) and lead a team to playoff cuntenderships?

Can Peyton be like his apathetic bro Eli (2007 epic win over Pats version) and make his team a 10-6 team that goes to win epic SuperBowls?

Saturday, December 4, 2010

LeBron's Bo(booooo)ring Return and its Bo(asshole chant?)ring Aftermath

LeBron James (the athlete king) returned yesterday to his home state Ohio (via Oedipus Rex) to play against some team in Cleveland called "Cavaliers" (as if). Its worth noting I guess that BronBron used to play for these alleged "Cavaliers", or something, I don't know, I don't read depressing sports news.

He arrived at the game flanked by NBA human running joke Craig Sager, and a pair of Beets (country/vegetable-styled) headphone. Its popularly assumed LeBron was in fact listening to vacuum sounds, due to the fact that his mother would turn the vacuum on when he was a child whenever she had sex with Delonte West. (breaking news: LeBron's mom has sex; deal with it)
Delonte West, dealin' with it. ("I get it innnnn")

Infinite sadness ensued
J. J. (Junkyard Junk) Hickson has been doing heroin to get over Bron, he's only sad because he can't remember why he started.

There goes Mo's hero. Little known fact: when Mo Williams tears up his body becomes blurry, at least that's the way he sees it.

The game itself was garbage. Heat won, while rowdy fans tried to expressed their "feelings".

Eat my ass while I chat up your skanky assed payroll Dan Gilbert?
Some teenage dirtbag learning the value of being different.

It was all pretty sad and boring, kind of makes you wonder why LeBron left Cleveland. We were born alone and we'll die alone, everything in between is wasted motion. The sooner he gets that through his mind the better. Unless of course you're a king who enjoys being buried with his charge....Asbestos!

Booya! Sports media wasted everybody's attention/time! Mission accomplished...again? (wink)

Analysts tore into the Cavs for playing shitty against the Heat and playing nice with LeBron, therefore absolving themselves of wasting your time with hype (I mean, there wasn't even an assassination attempt!). Daniel "Boobie" (puhleez) Gibson was singled out in particular, but had this to say after taking his morning after pills...
"I think people, from the outside looking in, might say we were laughing and joking with him, but if you could hear the things that were said, you would know that wasn't the case," Gibson said. "There was nothing friendly about the conversation we had."
Don't invalidate our love
Don't invalidate the laughs
7 great years
Was there nothing friendly we had?

The King is dead, lets be friends.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Jockin' (via no homo) Deion's Interview Skillz...

I don't know if you caught it or not, since your're either too cheap or just a poser football fan (via autodrafts/ sportcenter summaries) and don't want to get the NFL Network, but here is an amazing interview that Primetime had with Mike Vick. Of course he asked Mike Vick the typical Mike Vick questions:

"Wassup with ya passing game?"
"Wassup with your judgment/decision making?"
"Wassup with your outlook in life post Zebro/Bad Newz Kennelz?"

Click Here To Watch Deion Ask Mike Vick Deep Questions

But shit got real when Deion straight popped Vick this question. "Do you think what happened to you affects how NFL teams drafts Black QBs at #1 overall?" Prime's segue (via journalistic verbal segways) to bringin' up the complex issue (hybrid - part controversy part criminal histories i.e. Mike Vick i.e. Jamarcus Russel i.e. possibly Cam Newton at #1 overall) of drafting an African American QB #1 overall was definitely something no white interviewer or some Mickey Mouse bullsquatch ESPn_Zone personality would've asked. Props to Primetime for bringin' up real issues. Socio Political Racial issues that tend to get overlooked in sports and life... Do you think a black QB will ever get drafted #1 overall ever again (post Mike Vick and Jamarcus Russel debacles...)?

Do you think Cam Newton's controveries will keep him from being drafted at #1 overall?

Can Cam Newton redeem future black QBs poised to be drafted at #1 overall?

Will Mike Vick ever hit redemption and complete "Great Job Mike Vick Redemption Amazing Story Unabridged Version"?

Should Deion continue to ask deep serious socio political racial questions when interviewing NFL_athletes?

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Jockin (via no homo) The Eagles' Week 13 Win

In probably the second most exciting THursday Night game ever, Mike Vick and the Philadelphia Eagles straight up dropped a 34 on the Houston Texans (via 34-24 home field at lincoln financial field win). Vick and Shady McCoy hella tore it up hooking me and my fantasy broz up. Menos puto puntoz though for Vick's INT and Vick's fumble (no bueno if you on standard yahoo fantasy system). But all good. And more importantly, Vick puts his former backup (via benchwarmer circa dogfighting/zebro era) Matt Schaub in place-- who earlier this week said (via NFL network Eagles vs. Texans pregame show) Vick had a questionable work ethic back in they ATL dayz. Mike Vick threw for 2 TD passes (via Andy Reid Bill Walsh West Coast offense hybrid screens), and rushed for 1 (via Qb snuck in). Meanwhile, props to Shady McCoy for going overlooked once again for his sickness (via 2 TDs 130 total yds)

Now for some memorable momentz...

Vick and Andy Reid mutual understanding mutual respect hand shake (via hybrid handshake slap five)

Brian Cushing no more juicing sneakin extreme closeup up Vick ass (via possible homo)

Lesean McCoy (aka Shady McCoy) helpin his boy Mike Vick in his NFL MVP campaign (via celebratin' after catchin' Vick TD pass)...

Vick givin his traditional black man props to god...

Shady McCoy remindin heads that he can bein' hella versatile (via on the field play or celebrations)

Vick givin eternal apology props to Zebro and the rest of Bad Newz Kennelz...

 Andre (aka Dre) Johnson still thinkin how he was 2 hits away from destroyin unchill mulato bro Cortland Finnegan's orbital...

Mike Vick givin props to both...

Honorable Mentions:

Where was Asante Samuels? Do you think he was afraid of Andre Johnson's Finnegan-whoopin skillz?

Are Vick and the Eagles the best team in the NFC (via better than Vick's former team the Falcons (aka DrrtyBrrds)?

Will Matt Schaub ever be better than Vick?

WIll there ever be a legit Texas NFL team ever again?

Should Shady McCoy get at least 20+ carries to be a leading fantasy rusher?

Will Mike Vick continue to win in the cold as the winter season continues to progress?

Will Mike Vick and the Eagles go to the Super Bowl (via beating the Falcons in ATL in NFC championship-- ergo completing the "Great Job Mike Vick Redemption Amazing Story Unabridged Version")

Monday, November 29, 2010

Jive MuthaFucka - Cortland Finnegan

Just finished the Texans games and realized I was pissed at two things.

1) Fuck! Corltand Finegan is one jive muthafucker. He hella threw his fist bumps and unleashed his inner jersey shore (via paully d) and caused my boy Andre Johnson to whoop his ass for bein a lame DB and an ugly mulato (via ny jew hybrid lenny kravitz mixed with GTL hair steez). I guess Cortney FAnigGan was sick and tired of failing to be deion-like/ revisIsland-like in trying keep multi-pro-browler (via future HOFer) Andre Johnson in check.


2.  DB skillz hella failed, so you had to settle for jive-talkin... This screwed me over and all my fantasy football broz over, since Andre Johnson will probably be suspended for beatin your ass. That means no competitive edge for my fantasy team with AJ suspended. Oh well, I guess I'll have to settle for white lightning 2.0 (Kevin Walter).

Whatchoo all think?

-Does Cortland Finnegan deserve to be suspended and not Andre Johnson?
-Should FInnegan be suspended for 4 games, and Andre just get fined?
-What do you think of Andre Johnson's rising pacman/Pacquiao (hybrid Kimbo MMA) boxing skills?
-Should Jeff Fisher check Finnegan the way he checked Vince Young-- IR + suspension?
-Do you think Cortland Finnegan is Paully D's NFL/ GTL doppelganger?

(update in case you don't like watching Texans' games...)