Saturday, December 4, 2010

LeBron's Bo(booooo)ring Return and its Bo(asshole chant?)ring Aftermath

LeBron James (the athlete king) returned yesterday to his home state Ohio (via Oedipus Rex) to play against some team in Cleveland called "Cavaliers" (as if). Its worth noting I guess that BronBron used to play for these alleged "Cavaliers", or something, I don't know, I don't read depressing sports news.

He arrived at the game flanked by NBA human running joke Craig Sager, and a pair of Beets (country/vegetable-styled) headphone. Its popularly assumed LeBron was in fact listening to vacuum sounds, due to the fact that his mother would turn the vacuum on when he was a child whenever she had sex with Delonte West. (breaking news: LeBron's mom has sex; deal with it)
Delonte West, dealin' with it. ("I get it innnnn")

Infinite sadness ensued
J. J. (Junkyard Junk) Hickson has been doing heroin to get over Bron, he's only sad because he can't remember why he started.

There goes Mo's hero. Little known fact: when Mo Williams tears up his body becomes blurry, at least that's the way he sees it.

The game itself was garbage. Heat won, while rowdy fans tried to expressed their "feelings".

Eat my ass while I chat up your skanky assed payroll Dan Gilbert?
Some teenage dirtbag learning the value of being different.

It was all pretty sad and boring, kind of makes you wonder why LeBron left Cleveland. We were born alone and we'll die alone, everything in between is wasted motion. The sooner he gets that through his mind the better. Unless of course you're a king who enjoys being buried with his charge....Asbestos!

Booya! Sports media wasted everybody's attention/time! Mission accomplished...again? (wink)

Analysts tore into the Cavs for playing shitty against the Heat and playing nice with LeBron, therefore absolving themselves of wasting your time with hype (I mean, there wasn't even an assassination attempt!). Daniel "Boobie" (puhleez) Gibson was singled out in particular, but had this to say after taking his morning after pills...
"I think people, from the outside looking in, might say we were laughing and joking with him, but if you could hear the things that were said, you would know that wasn't the case," Gibson said. "There was nothing friendly about the conversation we had."
Don't invalidate our love
Don't invalidate the laughs
7 great years
Was there nothing friendly we had?

The King is dead, lets be friends.



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